Your color question:
The default color is white for scenes, with the default color light used to make the graph look white.
You can use the Lighting ( Lighting -> "Neutral") parameter to get opaque lighting in 3D graphics. Then the result will be white / grayscale:
Plot3D[Sin[x y], {x, 0, 3}, {y, 0, 3}, Lighting -> "Neutral"]
Your grid question:
. PlotPoints .