As for C # libraries, most of them are private or licensed. I found that MatriX (used to be agsXMPP) was the best in terms of what it can do (the developer license can be a little cool though). Perhaps Jabber.net would also be a good choice.
This is not for the faint of heart. Creating a client might be fine, but creating a component or deploying a server did not cause me any headaches. Understanding how this works may be the best approach. There is a book called "XMPP: The Definitive Guide", which I found very useful.
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