The right idea, you just redid it.
If SQL Server is the default instance on this computer, you can simply specify it as:
Data Source=xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx
If it is a named instance, specify it as
Data Source=xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx\INSTANCENAME
For instances of SQL Express, this is usually:
Data Source=xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx\SQLEXPRESS
If multiple instances are running on the same server, you may need to start the SQL Browser service (it is usually disabled by default).
There is a fantastic web resource at http://www.connectionstrings.com . They provide syntax and parameters for connecting to almost any server database that is there.
In addition, when working through SQL connectivity issues, it is always useful to disable the firewall on the server machine until everything is worked out, then turn it back on and follow up with the firewall problems. It just makes life harder when you try to solve several potential problems at once.
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