expand on save : this option is only applicable if the netbeans.deploy property is set to true (this means that netbeans will handle the deployment of your webapp and will track your files and redistribute when necessary). in netbeans, right-click on your maven project, go to "properties", select "actions" in the category list, select "run action", and you can specify netbeans.deploy=true in the "set properties" text box.
make war changes : if I'm not mistaken, you only encounter this problem when changing static web content (e.g. html, css, javascript, etc.). this is because most servers store a map of static content and lock files to improve performance. You need to configure the server to disable memory mapped files. the configuration depends on the server (glassfish / jetty / tomcat) that you are using.
netbean is starting the wrong URL : netbeans uses a URL based on the folder name of your project. I havent been able to change this either (it always resets), so I assume this is an IDE error.
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