Yes, add the error function:
remote: {
All these parameters are passed to a regular jQuery ajax call, so by specifying the error function, you can handle whatever happens.
Assuming you saved the validation object in the variable v , your error function might be so simple:
$('#inputWithRemote').rules('remove','remote');. v.pendingRequest--;
Honestly, the v.pendingRequest business is about what I would call an error in the Validation plugin - it increases this pendingRequest counter when it launches an ajax request, but does not have its own code to solve errors in the response.
See here: http://jsfiddle.net/ryleyb/H96TD/ (note that I set the timeout to 2 seconds and used some jsfiddle special ajax code to force the response to take 3 seconds).
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